so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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