just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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