Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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