when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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