never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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