I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
