"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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