so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
