I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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