i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
