Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He better not be in your backpack
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
