i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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