You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mom said you looked used
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
