Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
