I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Still dying that you shit outside
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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