oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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