You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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