I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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