4 words: hood of his car
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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