Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well you can't waste a boner
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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