Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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