We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
