college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
