After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
