if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize