you guys were way drunker than both of me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
