Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can text with my tongue
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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