We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
