They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
