..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
