soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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