It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
