I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
