He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
