A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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