You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
