12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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