i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
