I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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