he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
