I bet he comes in French.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
