when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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