Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
