Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
