Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The beer is more important than you right now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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