Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
