dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
