we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize