I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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