just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
