I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
