**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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