I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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