Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
