god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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