As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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