To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
