I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
