If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
