Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
