There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were destined to go to rehab together
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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