Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
