I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
