You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
