I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
