I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
