You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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