I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
