the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
