Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
