omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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