OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
