Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
