After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
