is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
