I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
