recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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