I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
