i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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