I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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