take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's always time for handjobs
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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