My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
