You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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