I am puke
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
