i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
