my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
