I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
