Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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