My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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