Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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