i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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