Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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