he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
