I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
