sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
