I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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