It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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