well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
