Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
