A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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