He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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